Why I Hate the Term “Biologically Normal” Sleep

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the phrase “biologically normal sleep.” You may have heard it before… it’s tossed around in parenting groups, books, and sometimes by well-meaning experts trying to explain why babies wake at night.

But honestly… I hate that term!!!!

Because it completely ignores a HUGE part of the equation: the biological need for sleep — not just for babies, but for parents too. And sleep, as we all know, is non-negotiable. Without it, we literally start to lose our minds. Sleep deprivation isn’t just tough; it’s a form of torture. That’s why it feels so flippin’ hard.

Not About Unrealistic Expectations

Before anyone jumps on me, let me be clear: I’m not here to promote impossible sleep goals like

• no night feedings by 12 weeks,
• 12 hours straight of sleep in the crib,
• or letting your baby cry it out until they fit a perfect schedule.

Those ideas are unrealistic for so many families, and I don’t believe they represent healthy or respectful parenting.

The Problem With “Biologically Normal”

Here’s what frustrates me about the phrase “biologically normal” sleep: it’s predatory, judgmental, and downright contradictory.

It’s often used to shame parents for trying to get more sleep, or for wanting to do things differently — like cosleep, night wean, or follow a sleep plan that fits their family’s needs.

And the idea behind it is that humans are somehow the only “animal” species that don’t sleep right next to their children, all night long.

Debunking the Myth: “Humans Are the Only Species Terrified of Sleeping with Their Babies”

You might have heard the claim that humans are the only species terrified of sleeping with their babies. This idea is often used to shame parents who choose not to cosleep or bedshare, suggesting it’s unnatural or fearful.

Let me be clear!!! This page is not terrified of cosleeping or sleeping with my children when it’s needed. And if cosleeping long term feels right for your family, I wholeheartedly support that.

But I’m also not terrified of helping a child feel safe and comfortable in their own bed, whether that happens right away or gradually over time.

Sleep for both parent and child looks different for every family. It’s not about fear. It’s about connection, safety, and what works best in real life.

Also… I’m Not an Animal

I’m a human. And so is my baby.

Sure, mammals like monkeys and other animals sleep differently. But animals also do some pretty wild things that I personally don’t want to be compared to like literall cannibalism,  sleeping in their own poop, or other survival behaviors that don’t fit with how we live today as humans.

Plus, we’re not just animals; we’re intelligent beings with complex lives. Unlike monkeys or other mammals, we have jobs to get up for, bills to pay, children to homeschool or take to school.

So to compare human sleep patterns to animal sleep patterns is not only unhelpful, it’s wildly off the mark!!

Let’s Get Real About Sleep

Instead of banging on about “biological norms” that make parents feel judged or like they’re doing something wrong, let’s focus on reality:

• How can we get the best sleep possible for both baby and parent?
• How can we lean into our child’s temperament — and our own — to create sleep routines that work?
• How do we support families without shame, without judgment, and without unrealistic promises?

Sleep Looks Different for Every Family

If your family’s best sleep means cosleeping and you love it — I love that for you.
If you’re working toward helping your baby enjoy their crib and gradually night weaning when they’re ready — I also love that.

No one way is the only way.

How I Can Help: Realistic Sleep Support for You and Your Baby

If you’re looking for gradual, realistic guidance to help your baby feel safe and secure in their crib  and get the best sleep possible — I offer Newborn and Baby Sleep Courses designed just for families like yours.

My courses don’t promise impossible 12-hour stretches by 12 weeks or “cry it out until perfect” methods. Instead, they focus on building a loving, supportive sleep routine that respects your baby’s temperament and your family’s needs.

Whether you’re navigating newborn nights or toddlers with tricky sleep habits, these courses walk you through proven strategies, troubleshooting tips, and how to handle night wakings and night weaning with confidence and kindness.

Those long stretches of sleep are just a flippin bonus of understanding biologically normal sleep!!

Real Support, Real Sleep

If you’re tired of the pressure and unrealistic expectations, you’re not alone. And you deserve baby sleep tips that are backed by research and real life.

You deserve a community that lifts each other up — no matter how your family chooses to help everyone sleep the best they can.

Want to learn more about realistic, gradual, and effective baby sleep?
Check out my Newborn Sleep Course and Baby Sleep Course to start your journey toward better nights — for everyone.